CHANGES: Former Skinny Bitch

I used to be that girl who could eat anything and never gain a pound. I got used to jealous comments regarding my slim physique. Mind you, though I was slim I still had some curves. Even into my late twenties, I had girls (apparently who never matured past the 9th grade) refer to me as a "skinny bitch". They thought in some way this was a put down and in the end I realized "they" were just bitter bitches. I guess I would rather be a skinny bitch than a bitter one. Anyway, though I maintained the metabolism of a 12 year old, I never took advantage of it. I was diagnosed with high cholesterol by the age of 10 and my mom banned chips, candy, (real) cheese, butter and other delectable treats that most kids love from my diet. When I reached my early twenties, I started exercising regularly mostly for stress relief. I also had a rather active job bartending in NYC for close to 5 1/2 years. So I guess you could say I never tested the limits of my metabolism.

In all fairness, Joe warned me of possible weight gain when we first met. Apparently, it was symptomatic of most girls he dated. I immediately brushed off such comments as I was far too narcissistic to "let myself go". However, slowly but surely I noticed my pants fitting a little but tighter with each passing month we were together. I chalked this up to "getting older" and in many regards I think I was right. However, Joe's repetition of liking me "with curves" and constant compliments may have made me a little too comfortable in my own skin. Then I moved to Paris...

I was never a "foodie" (a.k.a. one who loves gourmet foods or food in general for it's consumption, study and preparation). Even working in the restaurant biz as long as did never made me interested in food, beyond what I needed to know for explanations to a customer in as few words as possible. I did enjoy tastings and, of course, desserts (mmm, chocolate!), but I never REALLY enjoyed food. My knowledges of food was based on nutrition and healthy diet needs. I always read ingredients and tried to maintain a low fat, high protein diet. But something happened when I moved to Paris.

Well, for starters I wasn't working OR exercising. I took for granted my active lifestyle in NYC and the fact that I was no longer 20 something. On top of that, I was eating food like I had never eaten before. Joe was feeding me morning pastries in bed regularly on a silver plater like I was a queen which I fully enjoyed! We were eating family meals everyday (food and family go hand in hand in France) with cheese platers following up the main course and saucisson as an appetizer. I was no longer aware of all the ingredients in my meals, nor did I care. All I knew was, my hair and nails never looked so healthy and the food tasted DAMN good! I was eating as much as Joe for most meals. And when I wasn't, he was practically feeding me off of his plate. Note: Joe is 6'3" and naturally slim and muscular. He can eat Macdonald's and Chinese food 3 times a day and have nothing more than a bit of a stomach ache! Joe has little knowledge of eating healthily and none regarding low fat diets. I was too immersed in enjoying food and flavors for the first time to notice the affects of my change in eating habits and lifestyle, until I started having some serious stomach issues.

About 3 1/2 months into my move, I had to make an emergency trip to the doctors. For starters, I had one of those pesky UTI's again and some other ailments I was unfamiliar with. My stomach stuck out like a pregnant lady and kept making all these weird gurgling noises. The doctor stuck me on a scale. I looked down briefly and was grateful for the metric system. I quickly stepped off and onto an old fashion doctor's table. In fact, EVERYTHING about this doctor's office was like a scene right out of Madmen á la 1950's America. Anyway, Joe translated to the doctor some of my complaints. The doctor pressed on my stomach and preceded to ask me (in french) if my stomach was making noises like "grrrbrrllrgrrrbrrll". Joe answered for me, "Yea, actually, her stomach is rather loud these days!" Just a quick trip to the pharmacy, and a couple days later I felt like a new woman. As it turned out, all those daily baguettes, butter and cheese had done a number of my digestive system. What I thought was endometriosis was actually severe constipation! Okay, T.M.I., I know, BUT I feel it is necessary to fully understand my situation.

After recovering a bit, I took more notice of my body and how I felt. For the first time in my life I could feel skin moving on my body in weird places, more specifically FAT, and noticed dimples in areas where dimples should never be. I decided things needed to change and fast. I was very unfamiliar with even the idea of weight gain. I never fluctuated more than 5 lbs. in my life. The sudden reality of my weight gain hit me hard. Thankfully it was still cool outside and I could get away with baggy cloths to cover me up. But, I decided it was time to get active again.

I started running around Paris more frequently and invested in my first Jillian Michael's DVD per suggestion of a friend. I was soon working out 5-6 days a week and cutting back on my portions. It wasn't until I started actually losing weight that I took the time to convert that number I saw on the scale at the doctor's office. Holy God! I couldn't even believe it! I had to confirm with Joe that THAT was actually what I weighed in at in the doctor's office. I put on some weight before my move, a healthy 5-7 lbs. which was fine and put me at a normal weight anyway. However, I put on at least 20 lbs. in 3 1/2 months living in Paris!! For a former skinny bitch that was no easy feet! Gaining 20 lbs. in that amount of time took some effort and serious work! I'm not sure if I should be mortified or proud of myself for taking a moment to fully enjoy food.

By the beginning of the summer, I was starting to feel a bit better about myself, but I was still very unsatisfied with my new figure. I wanted my body back. I wanted my self-esteem back. I wanted to look at a full body picture of myself and not cringe! So I did something I swore never to do. I tried a fad diet, more specifically a PARISIAN fad diet. I had Joe help me translate the recipes. It looked harmless enough and promised to take off up to 3 kilos (roughly 10 lbs.) in 2 weeks. The first 5 days were detox days with mostly raw fruits and veggies. By day 3, I was bed ridden with what felt like a combination of food poisoning and the worst stomach flu humanly possible. I was only able to drink broth and rice for the next 3 days. By the time I could keep down solid food, I had in fact lost nearly 10 lbs...just not the way I had hoped and definitely not the way that keeps. I enjoyed fitting into my skinny jeans for about a week. Shortly after I put back the weight I had lost in that evil Parisian detox(ic) diet. This was the first and definitely LAST diet I will ever try. From there on out, it's been portion control and regular exercise all the way.

Ten months after my move to Paris, I am still fighting off the last of my weight gain. Part of me has accepted that the last 8-10 lbs. may never come off...at least not while I am living in Paris. However, I am at a healthy weight for my height and body type. I partly enjoy my new curves as it does have it's perks (less investment in push up bras!), but I look at photos of me from before my move and I'm envious of that girl. I seriously took it all for granted. I'm still enjoying my French food as my time here is quickly coming to an end. I work out regularly but don't feel the need to starve or kill myself. I feel proud of myself for every milestone as I know I've worked for it. I try not to step on a scale and gauge my progress by how I feel. Because at the end of the day, THAT is what is most important...well, and having a wonderful man who tells you everyday that you are beautiful and sexy certainly helps too! ;)

Á bientôt,

-CityGirl