I’m not a person who typically panics. On the contrary, I usually do quite well under pressure. In the past 3 years I’ve come to appreciate the perks of growing up: i.e., becoming more comfortable with one’s body, becoming wiser through experience, letting the little things roll off, etc… However, I under-estimated that fears & phobias seem to also enhance with age. Just at the point of me starring down the mountain, I realize that my minor case of vertigo has grown-up too.
I look out onto the steep descent, look back at Joe and say, “This is not a green trail. Where is the green trail?” Apparently, it’s been so long since Joe has done an easy trail that blue (intermediate) and green (beginner) are interchangeable for him. Next thing I know I am having a full on panic attack. The tears start coming, I can’t move and I can’t breath. It takes Joe 30 minutes to calm me down enough to convince me to try and make it down. In the mean time, he starts demonstrating skiing 101, but there is a bit of confusion in the translation and I grow more anxious. I am so paralyzed by fear that I can’t remember anything I’ve learned from my previous skiing trips. Finally, I decide I am calm enough to try and make my way down. Little by little, I follow Joe down like a little duck, looking only at him and not down the mountain. I slowly start to feel more comfortable and relaxed. Apparently, Joe sensed this and decided to take a mini smoke break about half way down.Joe stops, lights a cigarette & then coolly skis down the rest of the way looking like a French, Marlboro man with his cig hanging out of his mouth. At the bottom, I apologize for my melt down as Joe smiles and say’s how proud he is of me but admits he had no warning I would be so freaked out. Actually, I had no warning I would be so freaked out! I vaguely mentioned my fear of heights & limited skiing experience to him in the past, but I admit I felt quite confident that I could quickly recall my former ski technique.
The next 2 trails we decided to take were the green bunny slope. My nerves were a little raddled but I was feeling more collected as I made my way to “the pole”. Round 1, I miss the pole on my initial ascent and fall sideways after being jerked forward. I pick myself right up, grab the next and successfully make it to the top of the trail. Round 2, I manage to grab the pole successfully on my first try, skis appropriately spaced & facing front. About half way up, I start feeling more relaxed. So I start to lean back onto the little tire, but I make the mistake of leaning too far back and eventually drag my ass and disengage from the tire. I quickly scoot away from any other skiers that may be just behind. By round 3, I am ready to concur the blue slope again. I do it with ease and confidence. After a lunch break, Joe feels more confidant I can try another trail. So we make our way to an apparently “easy” red trail (intermediate to advance). A bit premature confidence on our part! It took everything I had not to have a temper tantrum and demand that we either walk down or wait for someone to come get me. I whined, “This is not fun!”. I was emotionally and physically exhausted by now. I made my way down slow & steady, but decided that I had enough fun for the day. Joe went off by himself, while I relaxed in the lounge area. As I sat there, I started to notice all the little kids around who seemed to be crying, sniffling & throwing temper tantrums because they were tired. I suddenly realized that I wasn’t that grown-up.
After the first day, I decided no more meltdowns and temper tantrums. Every trail down, Joe would add something for me to do to improve. By the last day of skiing, I was excited to hit the slopes and challenge myself, even go off alone and try out a red trail with Joe. All in all, the trip was a success. The little picturesque post-card town was delightful. Food delicious, though I think I will avoid sausage & fondue for a while! I didn’t fall once skiing except for bumping my knee while falling off the evil “pole”, and I realized skiing is fun.
BUT, I think bikini, beach & sun might be more my speed for the next winter vacation…
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